The Freedom Path: Part 1Jan 02, 2023
Freedom is an important topic. Since the pandemic began there have been many cries against individual freedom. I appreciate the high sensitivity of this topic and have my own experience of what freedom means to me and where it fits in my life. Yet when it came to writing, I felt drawn to explore this word through quotes of inspiring people to share my path and the teachings that influenced my discovery of freedom.
This blog is seven lessons told in two parts to allow time to digest the learnings. Make sure that you subscribe to the blog to receive the second part!
My Life’s Spiritual Path“WE CAN’T CHASE FREEDOM. WE CAN’T RUN OUT AND SELL EVERYTHING, AND DROP OUR DREAMS AND BECOME A MONK OR HERMIT DRIFTING ABOUT. WE HAVE NO CHANCE OF DROPPING OUR DREAMS. WE HAVE TO BE SO PATIENT. FREEDOM WILL COME ON ITS OWN, WITHOUT OUR DOING ANYTHING. WE HAVE TO LIVE AS A HUMAN, WITH ALL THE TRAPPINGS AND TRIMMINGS, AND FROM WITHIN THAT OUR FREEDOM WILL ARISE.”
― Richard Rudd, 64 Ways
Since I was 10 years old my life was spattered with meningitis, migraines, depression and finally a brain injury. These ‘mind’ related illnesses and injuries are perceived in metaphysical illnesses as a disconnection from One’s Spiritual Self. When disconnected from the soul we become lost. A lost body without a soul cannot be free, for it does not know what it is to know what freedom can be.
Richard Rudd is the creator of the ‘Gene Keys’ a contemplative system that integrates Human Design, Astrology and the i-Ching into a way of relating to life through 64 keys, which are behavioural archetypes. Each key has an energy and journey of discovery. A person has 11 gene keys in their profile similar to how the star signs fit into your astrology natal chart. Each Gene key has three levels of frequency - shadow (victim patterns), gift (creative genius) and Siddhi (Divine manifestations).*
My ‘Spiritual Quotient’ or the ‘dream of my heart’ is Gene Key 55 which is the archetype of ‘Freedom’. My spiritual path is to let go of the separateness and patiently allow the wholeness to flow in.
As Rudd says, “We can’t chase freedom” and after I fell into my shadow frequency of the ‘victim’ (the basis of all shadow frequencies in the Gene Keys) I had wallowed in this frequency for most of my life. I identified as a depressed person with a life of endless suffering. I complained about others not meeting my expectations. I blamed others for things not being as I wanted them to be. I confirmed my version of ‘poor me’. I lived in drama. It was exhausting. I lived in the prison of my victim mind.
Lesson 1: Giving it all up“I ONCE HAD A DREAMS OF BECOMING A BEAUTIFUL POET, BUT UPON AN UNFORTUNATE SERIES OF EVENTS SOME OF THOSE DREAMS DASHED AND DIVIDED LIKE A MILLION STARS IN THE NIGHT SKY THAT I WISHED ON OVER AND OVER AGAIN, SPARKLING AND BROKEN.BUT I DIDN'T REALLY MIND, BECAUSE I KNEW THAT IT TAKES GETTING EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED, AND THEN LOSING IT TO KNOW WHAT TRUE FREEDOM IS.”
― Lana Del Rey
I listened to Lana Del Rey a great deal in the early months of my brain injury as I sat on my chair staring out of my London Archway kitchen window. Despite my ‘victim mindset’ I had attained all that I had wanted - a successful music and technology career in my favourite two companies MySpace and Ministry of Sound. I was feeling super fit and sexy training crazy hours at the gym outside of work. I had bought a lovely seaside house and enjoyed five years of marriage with our adorable cat and dog. Now it was all gone. I was alone, facially scarred, unable to work with a brain injury, barely walking 10 minutes without exhaustion and in endless pain, uncontrollably crying.
An opportunity for my victim to strengthen that muscle honed from childhood. Yet, I discovered that I was free. Freedom had begun to rise within me. No longer did I have the demands of my work at all hours of my life interrupting my personal life. I no longer listened to my angry husband resent my long working hours. I had ended it all with a simple fall.
It was a lot to grieve. I cried. I journaled. I looked at old photos. Was it too much? I set myself timers for this so I would not get sucked into the abyss of my gloom, and then did something else to focus my mind and retrain my brain.
I had to let go of all my life - my love, career, sense of identity, face, some friends, a lot of money and fit body. I was free to create a new me. Who would she be?
Lesson 2: Know Thyself“WHEN I DISCOVER WHO I AM, I’LL BE FREE.”
― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man
In Raja yoga, they teach that meditation must begin with grounding into the body. This is important because when we go out on a far journey, we need to know how to come back to our body safely and integrate the lessons. Intuitively, I began my healing with grounding meditations and chakra work.
Could I like myself if I could never move my body for more than 10 minutes of walking?
Could I like myself if I could never use my mind and intellect?
Could I like myself for always falling asleep during conversations?
Could I like myself if all I ever did for the rest of my life was sit in a chair and stare out of a window?
Being confronted with these questions brought me to a realisation:“I AM NOT A BODY. I AM FREE.”
- A Course In Miracles, Lesson 199
Yes, I could like myself whatever my life would turn out like.
Yes, I like the nid deep inside. At the core, she is kind.
I could be as kind to myself as I am to my best friend.
I could live a fulfilling life if all I did was sit still and listen to the others around me.
Lesson 3: Freedom from Perfection“FREEDOM IS NOT WORTH HAVING IF IT DOES NOT INCLUDE THE FREEDOM TO MAKE MISTAKES.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
The path to healing is imperfect. As a dancer and lawyer perfection is important. I had trained hard in the endless pursuit of perfectionism. It feeds being a victim very well because it is impossible to ever actually be perfect - save my 100% score in Drama at school which I was told had to 99% because you could never actually score 100%. Argh! That really bugged me!
My training in perfectionism was a way of endlessly feeling separate from the Oneness that I could become. I was ‘doing’ and ‘playing the game’ of validating my experience to some external apparently objectified perfection. No matter how perfect I scored, there was always a genius above me.
Releasing perfectionism is a very conscious effort. It was in Tai Chi that I discovered the rule of 70:30 and this transformed my ability to find acceptance. To work 100 percent is to go to the edge and this maximum capacity is damaging and exhausting. To only work to 70 percent leaves sufficient to always gently expand.
In letting go of the 100 percent I gave myself back 30 percent to explore with an open mind.
Lesson 4: Freedom from Thought“PEOPLE DEMAND FREEDOM OF SPEECH AS A COMPENSATION FOR THE FREEDOM OF THOUGHT WHICH THEY SELDOM USE.”
― Søren Kierkegaard
When I sit and observe my thoughts they become quiet. This has taken years of dedicated practice. My incentive was that thoughts made my migraines more painful, so to let my mind ‘shhh’ was to ease my suffering. They waft in and they drift out, some days easier than others.
Freedom of my thoughts revealed to me that I was unhygienic in my thoughts. I had to cultivate the quiet in my mind to relearn how to connect with life and others. Yoga Nidra was the practice that opened my thoughts into the expanse of spaciousness. At least daily practice shifted my ability to see the space between my thoughts and how I could turn them around to the opposite.
Is education of literacy and speech successful when we have not trained ourselves to think mindfully before we communicate? As someone trained to speak and write in theatre, as a teacher and as a former lawyer my communications came from places of high logic and emotion. At one level, I always possessed a highly balanced left-right brain hemisphere connection (my brain scans showed this on EEG), but that does not reflect the energy of the balanced brain for its spiritual health.
Neither logic or emotion are healthy when they come from the frequency of victim - both anger and fear are victim frequencies. Yoga nidra revealed to me areas of my life that I was to explore in practical ways. It was time to lovingly with 30 percent nudge into these deep emotions.
I will be in touch again in a few days with The Freedom Path Part 2!
Yoga Nidra’s with Nid
For those seeking a greater depth, please take a look at the Luminous Life program that includes bespoke yoga nidra and other practices to support your path to freedom.
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