Forgiveness is a key step to AcceptanceJul 31, 2022
Acceptance is an unconditional and radical willingness to be with what is. When a judgment of right and wrong has been present in a situation, forgiveness is required. Acceptance without forgiveness can be only a mental exercise and does not clear the energetics of resignation, victimhood or anger. Many traditions share practices of forgiveness to move toward acceptance with unconditional love.
How do you know when you need to forgive?
The following are a good broad spectrum of behaviours and feelings that are signs we need to forgive:
- Become stuck in an opinion,
- Feel righteous,
- Nitpicking or overly critical,
- Projecting especially that other’s problems are your own,
- Apathetic to having opinions for the fear of being wrong later,
- Judge others for how they behave in situations,
- Critical viewpoints that nothing is ever good enough (by yourself or others),
- That we must lower our expectations of others,
- Resentful of others, or
- Feel others have power over us.
It is not always nice to hold the mirror up to ourselves about these qualities in our attitude or behaviour, but when we realise that these signs prevent us from being empathetic and supportive to others in suffering there is a motivation to forgive.
Who do you need to forgive?
The ability to forgive others that we consider to have done something wrong is easier to understand. If someone has ‘done wrong’ in our eyes then we know what we are forgiving and how we might want to speak to them about it. We know our story that we want to have heard and acknowledged, and that we may need to see things from their viewpoint.
There are times when someone has wronged in the eyes of society and agreed on moral values, we hear of the amazing stories where families have managed to forgive the murderers of their loved ones because they realised that their anger only poisoned their own health and memories of their deceased loved one.
Self-forgiveness is often the latter step for forgiveness, but it is vital. When we have judged and condemned others, there is a need to forgive ourselves for such judgment regardless.
My personal experience and witnessing my clients reveals the necessity of self-forgiveness. It is possible to not even know what I am forgiving myself for but that I must consciously use the power of these words, is the key shift. As I move through the process of forgiveness what I need to forgive arises for me to understand and I obtain clarity of the lesson and how I can become a more compassionate person.
This is because to forgive myself for judging others against some false standard that I have created in my mind was to justify my reactions to situations where I could have been wiser requires greater conscious awareness than blaming someone like I am a three-year-old. I can be wiser than a toddler if I choose to forgive myself.
What are the steps to forgive?
Law of Attraction practice spends a great deal of time on forgiveness in the act of creation from unconditional love. Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping, Gene Keys by Richard Rudd, Feeding Your Demons with Tsultrim Allione of the Buddhist lineage, The Work by Byron Katie, and Brene Brown’s talks all share that understanding is the fundamental step.
1. Understand your story and its impact on you
Initially, understand that your viewpoint only damages your personal experience and not the others in the situation that require forgiveness. The ‘others’ include the Universe, Spirit or God (whatever you call it).
Your actions may be impacting others but forgiveness is only an act for the person unable to forgive. It is important to see the emotional, physical and relationship impact of your story in your ability to connect with your life more fully.
Honour and deal with your wellbeing needs to process the suffering that you have internalised. Get support for this stage and it may be revisited several times.
2. Be Willing to See it Anew
This is the simple choice that each of us has - are you willing to change your perspective? To change your perspective is very hard when you have become fixed in the list of signs listed at the outset of this blog, so being willing to be willing is important to acknowledge.
3. Understand other viewpoints and perspectives
To understand other viewpoints and perspectives of what may be happening, beyond the one that we currently perceive. Spiritual teachings will ask us to look at karma from the multiple lives perspective so that we can understand that each person is playing a role to support your learning and growth. If karma and multiple lives are not in your beliefs, then be open to hearing different versions of the story that you cannot know all the details to help you open your mind and heart with curiosity.
4. Reframe the Story
There is no right or wrong story of what happened in forgiveness, but the choice of a story that brings you peace and acceptance of what has unfolded and cannot be changed. That you have fully acknowledged the energetic states that resulted from the original story that lowered your vibration.
A key aspect of this stage is to forgive yourself fully and lovingly hold the parts of you that you judge. For when we can unconditionally forgive and love ourselves, we can see that in others and swiftly move through the judging story.
A Simple Exercise
When the mind is too tight it can be hard to move into forgiveness with contemplation and the cognitive story, we need to find another way. Meditation practices used in Law of Attraction and Tsultrim Allione use our creative and compassionate hearts to elevate our vibration to forgive.
The Unhappiness Pet meditation practice is designed to release physical or emotional pain through the visualisation practice of an 'unhappy pet'. The intention is to release hidden suffering and enter a dialogue to learn its lesson. This cultivates unconditional love and acceptance for the darker side of us all.
We find that this practice is best supported with some time to journal afterwards, so take 30 minutes for the practice and journaling time.
Receive support on your path to acceptance and living in peace
Forgiveness is a practice that becomes easier with support and exploration. It is a part of self-empowerment and compassion that we need to cultivate more greatly in society, through individual action that comes into group dynamics. If you have read this far, then you are ready to move forwards with forgiveness. Receive support on your path as part of the Luminous Life Program with me.
Book your free 30-minute Clarity Call to get your first steps HERE.
BE THE FIRST TO KNOW
Receive each new blog post direct to your inbox when they are released!