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Discovering Self Love

embody self selflove May 09, 2022

Prioritise your health, happiness and wellbeing so that you can show up fully for others

None of sets out to discover or work on self-love. Principally because it appears selfish and potentially narcissistic. Yet it is fundamental to discover your life’s purpose and be of greater service to your community. Here are steps in the self-love path that permit one to prioritise your health, happiness and wellbeing so that you can show up fully for others. There are many aspects to self-love where we can unravel our full potential.

Body Image

Regardless of how somebody looks, most of us have a hang-up about something in our body and an image that we would ideally like it to be. The reality of ageing means that often, it is not going to get ‘better’ although age can bring out the vibrancy of a person and make them more beautiful. 

I recall the moment when I stood in front of the mirror in my flat in London shortly after my accident. As I faced the scars down my face that the doctors told me were now permanent, I began to find appreciation for what I had once had before. I was grateful that I did not lose my left eye and that I still have my sight. I recognised that I must accept this is what I have now and it is perfect for me now.

Appreciate what works in your body that gives you freedom right now. 
I thank xxx for xxx that it gives me right now. I love xxx part of my body.  

 

Ageing

I was 31 years old and suffering from extreme neuro fatigue. My parent’s friends in their 70s would tell me that it is just like getting old. Less energy and resilience in the body, emotions and less cognitive accuracy are hard to accept. Frustration can be very real and potent as we lose aspects of how we have perceived ourselves. But this is an emotion that drains life force so it must be handled swiftly and gratitude returned. 

We must respect our life force energy and the resilience of the physical and mental body for how it has served us and will in the future if we take care of it. If we take care of it when younger it will not wear out too young. Or run it into the ground and honour it later! 

Our body is our playground but also our home in this lifetime. 
It must be respected, valued and honoured.  

Self-Honouring

As I sat in chronic pain and was unable to do the things I once did, I perceived that I was once some super person. There was no objective basis for this perception. Before my accident, I had plenty of self-doubts. 

We always think we were better before than we are now or that we may be better in the future, but it is always an illusion. Who you are right now is who you are. You can change your perception of who you once were or will become, but they are not ‘real’ as they are not now. 

All we have is where we are right now. Honour that. 
Your breath and life at this moment are enough. You are enough right now.

 

Equal Treatment

That inner nagging voice of criticism and judgment. Those thoughts that I wasn’t doing enough to get better. I could be stronger than this. Or the fear of what others might say about you not being good enough or your mistakes. 

As I heard these words in my head, it dawned on me - I would never let my friends say this to me! I would never say this to a friend. Why say it to myself?

Only say and do to yourself the same as you would say and do to your dearest friends.

 

Self-Partnering

The emotional outbursts of frustration, depression and anger were understandable with a brain injury and this is the case with many of us and the trauma that we carry through our lives. When I had these emotional outbursts I began to recognise them as exhausting me - at all levels. Yet to express them also calmed and centred me. 

It is important to honour the emotions and allow them to be fully experienced. Give permission to really feel and be with what is happening. Place a time limit on them to manage the energy drain. Allowing the emotions to flow gives space to experience the feelings. Do not intellectualise them, detach from the story of the feelings as this keeps us retelling and reliving the moment. 

 Accept emotions without attachment to a story, allow them and then move on.

 

Self-Confidence

Gifted with plenty of self-confidence I always had trust in myself for my abilities and judgments. This was completely thrown out the window thanks to my accident. My brain could not be trusted to have any idea about anything! 

Self-confidence is being open and speaking up for yourself. To not fear failure or embarrassment for saying the incorrect thing. Others can confirm your understanding or correct it, and that builds self-confidence. In reality, you are never ‘wrong’ for your perception but you can also always grow by finding a new perception. 

Own up to how you feel and struggle without complaining. As people confirm or correct your understandings you will build your confidence.

 

Nurturing

Advised to take time to nurture me, my reaction was that I could barely say the word! The idea of ‘nurture’ disgusted me! I was so used to criticising and judging myself to become ‘better’ that I did not understand how nurturing would benefit me or others. 

To nurture myself took a huge conscious effort to engage. I got a diary to allow a maximum of 5 things to do a day – the goal was to do less. In doing less I created time to write, go for walks, and paint my nails. Small simple acts that connect you to the outside world and your place in it will remind you about why nurturing is important. It brings value and depth to the present moment. 

 

Create time for small acts that nourish you in a calm and contented way. 

 

Self-Compassion

As a type-A overachiever, the concept of rest to recover was a challenge. I needed to ‘do something’ to recover. Often this resulted in backward steps in my health and the frustration cycle reared its head. 

Acceptance that I was learning self-care allowed me to forgive myself for these ‘failings’. To give permission to receive kindness was a vital step in really understanding how to give it more fully to others. This is not empathy, but loving-kindness and a key part of compassion is reciprocity of the exchange in care for one another. If you cannot receive care for yourself, how can you give care to others? Sickness is often a teacher of this type of reciprocity. 

 

From a place of forgiveness and love, embrace that you are doing your best for where you are in that moment. 

 

Self-Esteem

This is about your self-worth and value. Many of us live in a world of ‘lack’ or ‘scarcity mind-set’: that there are insufficient resources and we cannot have all we dream of. This is untrue but our world sells us so much, that we Westerners have all bought into this myth. 

We each deserve unconditional love, happiness and success throughout life. We have plenty of resources for all, if we take just what we need and learn to say ‘I have enough’. 

When I connected to nature and stopped living in the city, I released my lack mindset and received so may unexpected gifts. To watch the jungle life decay and create new shoots, the vast array of greens always growing love - I could see the abundance of the world. I aligned to my values and made sure that each choice aligned to them, so I could always see the value in my actions and way of being in this world. This alignment returns our self-worth and value. 

 

Open your eyes to see the abundance. Flow with the cycles of nature to prosper. Have faith that you will know when it is time to act and allow abundance to flow into your heart. Choose from alignment with your heart. 

If you want to delve deeper into how greater self-love can align you to living your purpose and serving others more fully, then the Luminous Life program will support you. 

Book a free Clarity Call with me to get the next simple steps for greater self-love in your life. 

 BOOK CLARITY CALL NOW

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Nids Nidra acknowledges the Traditional Owners of country throughout Australia and recognises their continuing connection to land, waters and community. We pay our respect to them and their cultures; and to Custodians past, present and emerging.

NAVIGATE
WORK WITH ME

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