5 Gracious Ways to ChangeJan 20, 2022
Until you learn to treat all (including yourself) with dignity and honour, unwanted karma will return to you.
What are the possibilities for a New Earth and way of living? What is the path towards greater equality and harmony on our planet? Grace is the gift of the Divine Feminine as she bestows another possibility for how things may be. Offered unconditionally and at all times, it is our responsibility to welcome grace when it comes and choose in a new way. A way that honours all the life of this Planet. But how can we ingratiate ourselves towards embodying grace?
Why is being Gracious important?
The motivation to save the world may seem overwhelming and create anxiety paralysis. A personal incentive to manifest grace in your life and those that you love is easier to relate to and understand.
Karma is not just about actions done. It is about the emotional state behind the action that is what comes back. Until you learn to treat all (including yourself) with dignity and honour, unwanted karma will return to you. This is where intention is important.
If you wonder why people seem to be so angry at you then it is time to turn the gaze inward and see your inner anger - what is there that you dishonour in your emotions? What inner rage do you project unknowingly? Or perhaps you resent all the time that you spend doing things for others - the question to ask then is what self-love is not held in reverence towards yourself?
Actions that come from an emotional state of deep peace, unconditional love and that honour all will return these states to you. When we add gratitude to our action and emotional state the return is threefold.
My Graciousness Teacher
I have many amazing teachers who are great embodiments of grace. But it is in watching my partner Russell that I learn such simple daily life lessons. He shows me what I teach him too and together, we are blessed multiplied.
1. Accountability for self and behaviour.
When one of us is grumpy or having a sulk (for whatever reason) it is important that it is owned quickly and any apology offered. I must account for my impact on him and own my negative feelings as coming from within.
An example is when I am focused on something or my mind is processing information, I can become impatient and snap when interrupted. This is common between people as our rhythms are not identical. My grumpy ‘disrespect’ can trigger the desire in Russell to be respected and he can drop into a reactive mode. Who can’t relate to these moments?
When I have done this I stop. I connect to my inner peace and calm my impatience. Once calm I go straight to apologise, even if I don’t really know what I did or think my reaction was unreasonable. I apologise for my poor behaviour and how it may impact him. If I don’t know what I did exactly but am aware I snapped, then I will ask “How can I learn from what I just did?” What must I be mindful of should that feeling arise again?
It is my responsibility to know and be aware of my negative behaviours and moods. I must value and honour my feelings that have arisen, and by hearing from him what I have done often helps me to see my inner emotions that I can dissociate. Then I become more aware of my own behaviour and can welcome all of who I am, and stop myself from these reactions.
2. Always ask questions. Never assume understanding or prior knowledge.
Russell is the artist at asking questions, and repeating and clarifying what he has understood. He deploys this with every person and interaction, none is too small or too great. Like a child it is pure and innocent, he wants to hear the other person’s rational and process.
Relationships go wrong because we assume that the other person is having the same experience or thoughts as ourselves, or that we are reading their feelings accurately. But they are not and we are not reading them truthfully to their perspective. They are wired differently, have other life experiences and process things in their unique way.
As an empath and energy healer it is easy for me to assume that what I read from someone is giving me an insight into their world. No, this is just rude of me to (i) assume I know their emotions or thoughts, and (ii) not empower them to speak their truth.
Is there a fear of looking like a fool? In the Tarot, the fool is the innocent newborn who inspires courage to open new areas of your life. Yet, even as a lawyer, I knew that questions ensured no assumptions or presumptions were made. This fool-hardy approach avoided miscommunication and mistakes which lead to mistrust, when relationships are destroyed.
There is always time to ask innocent questions and listen to another reply back fully.
WITH THE SPACE FOR EACH PERSON TO SPEAK THEIR TRUTH AND EXPRESS THEIRE EXPERIENCE, GRACE CAN MOVE BETWEEN US AND HEAL THROUGH RELATIONSHIPS.
3. Actions of courtesy and dignity are paramount.
A man that holds doors open for others, lets them go first when serving at a buffet, allows others to lead the conversation without expectation to be asked back is a chivalrous man. This is Russell.
A MAN OF HIGH-RESPECT CAN OFFER RESPECTFUL ACTION TOWARDS OTHERS, AND PERHAPS THROUGH SUCH DIGNIFIED ACTIONS WE CAN RECLAIM OUR OWN SELF RESPECT?
I am a big lover of letting others go first but terrible with doors as my arms always seem to get in a tangle over the other person’s head - my bumbling foolish ways!
Yet, courtesy can arise in many subtle ways for how we treat someone else. A common daily occurrence is those that serve us in some capacity, like the coffee shop or telephone call centre.
See their basic human needs and respectfully uphold those and do so for your own needs. If blood is surging, volume is rising and the time between words shortening it is time to tap yourself out of the moment. Offer an apology and own the disrespectful outburst. Thank them for their time, efforts and showing up in service to you - even if the issue is unresolved.
4. Acceptance of the present moment.
GRACE IS THE DEFINITIVE ACT OF THE IMPOSSIBLE COMING TRUE.
Yet what stops miracles is our beliefs. They restrict the impossibilities.
Being truly present means that for a moment we are without beliefs. There is full acceptance of what is in that moment. Anything becomes possible and all is forgiven.
Russell has certain behaviours and routines that bring him to the present moment - and that is a Master at work! My depression created a habit of being in the past to ruminate over failings or projecting into the future to justify my life’s existence by going somewhere to do something. I am an expert at time management and work production. But there is no time for miracles when your schedule is packed to the minute.
The more time I spend being present, the greater the blessings that arise as they have time to be allowed into my life. Grace just flows through and I am carried along with ease towards my intended direction. The Taoist way comes to mind and like Winnie the Pooh, it seems that things just work out perfectly.
In as many moments of the day, try to rest in the present moment. Be fully alive to the sensory delight and unknowing of what may be about to occur.
5. Reverence for all life
Russell has this beautiful quality of always seeing the highest attributes in another person. His questions and clarifications often add to helping them see these qualities in themselves and we are all blessed by someone stepping into a higher version of themselves in that moment. He never needs to say their better qualities, but simply asks questions in a way that provides their answer to be an ‘ah ha’ moment.
Such charming people can fall into the desire of the ego for this can become a power dynamic of many leaders. To remain humble in the power to uplift others is the real gift of graciousness. When I ask about what inspires his humble way of engaging with people his simple answer is “I am interested in what they have to say from their point of view as a unique expression of them”.
This simple approach to seeing each person as a unique expression reminds me that each moment and life is such. No moment will ever be repeated in the same way with the same life. This for me is to revere all life in the present moment.
THIS HAPPENS WHEN WE TAKE A MOMENT WITH ANOTHER PERSON TO ALLOW THEM TO FULLY EXPRESS THEMSELVES FREELY.
Now is the time to be gracious
If grace welcomes the impossible and she arrives when we allow time, then now (after a global pandemic) must be her time. As we each learn more about polarities and long-standing abuses in our world, we know that we must change our societies on a large scale.
Yet, everything starts with the individual and is a ripple effect. Perhaps, if we learn to act graciously we will welcome grace to us all and allow new possibilities into our new world. This includes how we act towards ourselves, treat others and relate with one another.
I am always learning and refining my skills. Watching my Master Teacher at work is always an inspiration to me, so each day I surrender to discover more about becoming gracious.
If you wish to connect to grace more deeply, then join the Embody Life Members Community Circle and dive into January’s support materials:
- Embody community live call Q&A
- Recordings for Grace Meditation and Yoga Nidra for Grace
- Embody private group vlog on the topic with idea sharing to be more gracious in daily life
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